The past ten years have seen me walk a magically unconventional path. During this time, I've spent tens of thousands of hours in mindful, somatic practice and rediscovered what truly makes me happy.
Back in my early 20s, life was beautiful. I had a successful acting career and much delight. I'd play through my days; filming, theatre-ing, socialising and, frankly, it was awesome.
Along with this beautiful life, however, came a realisation. The realisation that 'making it' as an actress wasn't the answer I'd sought.
A part of me remembered what it had been like, as a kid, to feel unconditionally wonderful. Physically, emotionally, wonderful. Back then, I'd been effortlessly in touch with the beauty of life and I wanted that experience back.
As a young adult, I was flying in life, but still afraid. My external achievements hadn't removed my feeling of living on rocky ground and - so - I finally understood that nothing external ever could fix that feeling.
An Inexplicable Fatigue
For 23 years life had been about 'do do do' 'achieve achieve achieve' 'tick the boxes, make it to the top and happiness will greet you there'. But 'd begun to 'arrive' and - as I did - was met by something else, entirely. A "meeeeeughhhftzzzzpt" feeling that would appear in my body; inexplicable fatigue that meant I needed things I couldn’t explain.
For four years - with this going on - I continued doing what I knew. Working hard, filming, living in London; alternately enjoying life and having bouts of the
The heaviness that would appear and beckon me t'wards something new.
What. Was. Happening?! Why wasn't my body functioning like it used to? Why couldn't I carry on, busy-ing through life and understanding life within my old skool beliefs?
I tried. Ahh, how I tried. Obviously. Few would give up their dreams without a struggle.
For me, however, my soul wanted something more than a certain career or credential. She wanted unconditional peace and joy.
And knew just how to get it.
Eventually (thankfully), my mind got up to speed... allowed me to surrender to my inner knowings and I
To my somatic (bodily) experience.
However frightening it was to release my career, relationship and fast paced life - however wild it seemed to commit to healing my body and soul - the joy I felt as I did so was stronger than any doubt.
When I followed my body, I knew, I was following my gut-grounded, star-guided path and opening to what I'd sought my whole life.
Letting the Body Lead
And, so, it was time for My Body. As I went inwards, She began to unfurl and reveal her secrets.
Over the past seven years, I've spent thousands of hours meditating in the 'realm' of my felt sense; during which time I've learned a whole new way to be. A way that's been shown to me - not only for my own healing and happiness - but for that of the world at large.
So, what do I mean by this?
Having become disconnected from our bodies on a mass scale, humans have lost touch with our guidance systems. We are supposed to navigate life according to how things feel. Disconnection from our sensitivities, however, has meant that we've found other ways to make choices. Money being a major way. The approval of others/society being another. All of which exist in the conceptual realm and will not lead us in the direction of what we truly need.
We all desire peace and happiness and we desire to live in a world that facilitates this. There’s nothing else we want. Everything we grasp after, we do so because we believe we will feel better in the having of it.
What we desire is to feel a certain way.
We must follow our bodies in order to get there.
One breath at a time.
With ease, kindness and integrity.
This is what my soma - my body - was showing me. After twenty years of living according to other people's guidance - my will had been pushed far enough. I'd gotten the grades, jumped through the hoops, people-pleased my way to huge success but there was something more important.
The delight I'd felt as a child - simply for being alive.
I wanted that back.
No amount of acclaim or oscars or photo shoots would bring it.
Not until I'd gotten my foundations sorted.
My old belief systems no longer worked.
And my body was telling me this - with a big ol' (flashing red) felt-sense STOP sign!
The Magic of the Somatic Way
If you'd told me to listen to my body 12 years ago, I have had no idea what you meant.
But now it's fresh-air-clear.
I've seen that there's guidance; guidance like a silver wind running through us all.
A current that tells us how to move,
where to go,
what to say and create
in order to be truly aligned with who we are.
In aligning with this - one breath at a time - you align with your health and joy.
In doing so, you align with every other human and part of the natural world as a whole.
This is how you heal your body; find what brings you joy and the courage to follow it.
This is how I healed my body and discovered radical, unconditional joy and boundless fire.
My inner guidance led me to listen to my heart, gut, womb, back, eyes (and the rest!)
and to cultivate self-love like my life depended on it – because it did.
My body showed me that I must let go of caring what others think;
and gave me the map to un-lock myself from societal expectations.
Expectations that were so installed in my mind, their concrete edges had filtered into my body; allowing these to dissolve was vital for my recovery; was vital for the return of my unconditional vitality.
There was no map or book for this.
I returned to my instinct and listened - a second at a time - to what felt good.
What felt right.
Not what would please another or move my life in the direction society encourages. No. I followed
One breath at a time.
And doing so has been IT.
Sometimes - what felt good - looked like spending dozens of hours lying down; sometimes it looked like working with healers; travelling to foreign lands; going out into the world and moving like a character I used to play on television and seeing what she taught me (!). Often I've followed inexplicable impulses to be quiet at parties, make noises when I'm alone, go to certain places, let go of a certain relationship, or sing out of tune at the top of my voice while upside down in a headstand.
If it created a sense of flow, health or joy in my body
That's how I released the 'inexplicable' fatigue in my body.
That's how I continue to channel my earth-shaking-vitality every day.
And come home to my soul.
And it's been (and still is) awesome. Messy. Beautiful.
My journey has been multicoloured, of the wall, boring, frightening, ecstatic, orgasmic, imaginal.
I've walked through the 'lost-maze' of chronic illness that doctors have no answers for.
This is how I've danced with what can be called
How I move through crippling self doubt and honour my bliss and preciousness one day at a time.
It is still, of course, a work in progress.
And one I'm happy to commit to dancing with for the rest of my life.
Aligning with the guidance from my body is not only a path that brings me joy;
it is the essence of joy; it's how humans are designed to live.
Hence, why living this way is synonymous with healing.
And why I'm honoured to be supporting others to live this way, too.
I live, effectively, 'on retreat' and have done for many years.
Sure - I 'come out' to hold sessions, socialise, dance and play - but my priority is presence with my body; listening to the waves on the inside. These are my waves of me; sacred.
They tell me what to do, where to go and how to care for myself.They show me what the beat of my drum is and how to dance it. This is how I bring my extraordinary self to the world, and how I support others to do the same.
My priority is the learnings that come when I focus in, listen to my body, flow with Her guidance and hear those radical whisperings.
I'm here to help create a new world.
Perhaps you are, too.
The one our children will be happy and healthy in.
Hell - I'll stop mincing my words - the one I am be happy and healthy in.
- these lives we crave to live -
(the lives in which we're free to be in integrity with who we are)
(for this is the root of all health, freedom and joy)
these lives come not from the level of thought that created our current world but from
new ways of being,
new ways of feeling and the knowings that flow from that.
That's why I'm here.
That's why I spend so many hours in mediation,
in conscious dance,
or silent with dear ones.
That's why I prioritise listening to my body above all else; this is where the guidance is.
And. It's. Powerful. Beyond. Measure.
Sometimes it's all about radical ease and flow...
Ellie has been so encouraging. I don't think I have ever felt so heard and listened to. I felt completely and fully respected. However I was also challenged. In a firm but gentle way. I am a great analyser, I try and figure things out in my mind or see things from a spiritual perspective, but Ellie kept guiding me back to my soma, where the real wisdom was to be found. The things I had been bypassing were brought to my attention in a state of acceptance and love. She also set me goals to achieve which were incredibly helpful and helped me bring these changes physically into the world.
Ellie is a wise, intuitive, encouraging and magical coach! She holds such a warm and safe space for you to explore what your soul and body needs and wants. I would 100% recommend both her and somatic coaching. It has lead me to a deeper understanding and confidence in my own wisdom and I will be forever grateful to Ellie!”
Grace Te Kim
Corporate and Executive Coach
Mother, Wellbeing Practitioner &
Creator of 'Joy Ethic'